Switched
by Rose Stetson
Summary: Sam and Jack aren't acting like themselves, they're acting like each other! Season 1 SamJack UST
1. Sam

**Switched**

Set in Season 1 before "Singularity"

Pairing: None- sorry. Sam and Jack friendship/UST

**Chapter 1**

Daniel walked into Sam's lab early one morning, coffee in one hand. "Hey, Sam. How's-?" He stopped as he saw Jack O'Neill bet over Sam's laptop, busily typing away.

"How's what, Daniel?" Jack asked as he looked up.

"Nothing." Daniel said, eyeing Jack strangely. "How're you?"

"Good. I just thought I'd type up some of my notes on wormhole physics. You know, for my book."

"You're taking notes on wormhole physics?" Daniel asked, unsure of whether to be amused or concerned.

"Yeah." Jack said, looking at Daniel strangely. "Why shouldn't I?"

"I don't know. Maybe because it just didn't seem like your…cup of tea."

Jack gave him an interesting look. "I'm a theoretical astrophysicist, Daniel. Wormhole physics is definitely my cup of tea."

"You're an astrophysicist." Daniel said, skeptically.

"Yes."

"Okay, Jack. The April Fool's Day prank is over. Ha ha."

"Jack? I'm not the Colonel, Daniel. It's me. Sam."

Daniel stared at Jack for the longest time. "Oh, so now, you're Captain Samantha Carter, USAF."

"What's your problem, Daniel?"

"What's yours?" Daniel countered.

"I don't have a problem. You're the one who thinks I'm Colonel O'Neill!"

"That would be because you look an awful lot like him."

Jack's eyebrows were drawn together in confusion. "Huh?"

"Do you have a mirror around here?"

"Yeah, in the closet."

"I think you might want to take a look at yourself."

"Okay." He walked over to the mirror. "I don't know what the big deal is- after all, it's just-" He paused. "Colonel O'Neill?"


	2. Jack

**Chapter 2**

Daniel stood at the door to Jack's house. He rang the doorbell, then knocked on the door. Finally, he heard a disgruntled "Oh for cryin' out loud! I'm coming!"

He chuckled to himself. Yep, it sure sounded like Jack. Then he frowned, the only problem was that the voice wasn't the deep baritone that he was used to. It was the feminine voice of Captain Samantha Carter.

Sure enough, the door opened to reveal a half-dressed Sam in boxer shorts and a white tank top. Daniel just gaped at her. "Daniel, what're you doin' here?"

She even gave him Jack's look of sleepiness while her hair was tossed in different directions like his was when he woke up.

"Uh…Jack."

"Yeah?"

"That's what I thought." He said. "We have a situation at the base that we need you for."

"And it couldn't wait for me to get there?"

"Um actually…no."

She ran her fingers through the hair on the back of her head as she yawned. "All right…just let me shower and get dressed."

"Uh, I don't think Sam would appreciate that."

She raised an eyebrow. "Why would Carter have a problem with me showering? If anything I would think that she'd have issues with me not showering."

"Trust me. I don't think she'd appreciate you undressing. Right now."

"Daniel…" It was the warning voice he had come to expect when he tried to hide any information from Jack.

"Okay…Jack. Just…look in the mirror."

"Why?" She asked, giving Daniel a hooded look, indicative of Jack's skepticism.

"Just trust me. You want to."

She watched him out of the corner of her eye as she walked to the mirror. "I don't see why you're acting so…why do I look like Carter?"

"Because…last night, you two switched bodies. We think."

"You think?" She asked, incredulously.

"Uh…Jack, can we continue this conversation after you're dressed?" Daniel asked, looking away from the braless female in front of him. She was starting to make him feel…uncomfortable.

She looked down. "Aw, crap! Sorry, Daniel."

"No problem."

After a few minutes in Jack's bedroom, Daniel heard Sam's voice float through the house. "Uh, Daniel! I think we're gonna have to make a stop at Carter's house."


	3. Where No Man Has Gone Before

**Chapter 3**

They arrived at Sam's house after _Jack_ went threw on some of his older, tighter jeans, a sweatshirt, and some sandals. As they pulled up to the house, Daniel turned to his friend. "So, how're we gonna get inside?"

_Jack_ walked up the walk to the house. He began looking around the yard for something, much like MacGyver did in that TV show. Daniel followed "Samantha" up to the porch. "So, what? We're going to MacGyver a way into the house?"

He was silenced by a look from _Jack._ "Sorry."

"I thought we'd use the spare key." _Jack_ said as he grabbed the back of his pants and bent down to pick up the key from under the mat.

"Why do you know where Sam keeps her spare key?" Daniel asked.

"Because she told me."

"Oh. Why didn't she tell me?"

"I don't know, Danny. Don't bother me with questions."

They turned the key in the lock and entered the house. "So, which way to Carter's bedroom?" _Jack_ asked.

"Don't ask me. I don't know."

"Why not?"

"Why do you think I know?" Daniel retorted.

"Because she said that you visited her last week when she was sick."

"Oh." Daniel said, realizing that _Jack_ hadn't meant anything dirty by his question. "She was on the couch."

"Ah."

"So, we look for it."

"Yep."

They spent the next few minutes looking through all the rooms in her house before they finally came upon her bedroom. "Found it!" _Jack_ cried.

Daniel hurried over. "Okay. So, now what?"

_Jack _walked to the dresser with trepidation. He reached for the handle of the top drawer.

"You're really going to boldly go where no man has gone before, aren't you?" Daniel said, almost in awe.

"In a manner of speaking." He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "We can do this. We're grown men, after all."

Daniel nodded, solemnly. But it was still weird to hear Sam's voice assert masculinity.

"Well, here goes nothing." _Jack_ opened the drawer and inside were two piles of neatly folded panties and bras. He reached in and grabbed the first bra in the pile. "This one?"

Daniel looked at the pink lace. "Uh, I don't think so…it's a little…lacy for…work…"

Both men shuddered to think about the unknown love life of one Samantha Carter. So much for being men, they thought.

"Okay…what about this one?" He asked, pulling out a strapless bra.

"It's a little too…"

"Strapless?" _Jack_ finished.

"Yeah."

They tore through the underwear drawer, sending the floor each discarded bra, panty and "Girdle?" Daniel asked.

"Ew." _Jack_ said, shuddering.

They finally reached the "holy grail:" a plain white bra that would not attract any unwanted attention to _Jack_.

"So, now what?" Daniel asked, not really sure that he wanted to know the answer.

"Now, you help me get this stupid thing on."

"What?" Daniel asked, protesting his part in the proceedings.

"Daniel, I don't know how to fasten a bra any more than you do, well, from this perspective, anyway. I need your help!"

Daniel grimaced. "Okay. So, I just have to fasten it, right? You're going to make sure it's…adjusted properly?"

_Jack_ winced. "Yeah. I'll…check to make sure it's…adjusted."

"So, plan of attack?"

"We, uh…move away from all windows and doors. Then, I close my eyes and take off the shirt. You stand behind me and catch the straps. Then, fasten me in."

"Okay." Daniel said, looking at his friend. It was so stupid that here he was, standing with a woman, trying to figure out how to put her bra on.

They tried for fifteen minutes to put the bra on. "Oh for cryin' out loud, it can't be this hard!" _Jack_ insisted, his eyes firmly shut.

"Well, we aren't exactly old pros."

"Okay, fine. I'm looking. Right now, this body is mine, and…I really hope Carter sees it the same way."

The bra was fastened correctly in approximately another thirty seconds.

"I hope I never have to do that again." Daniel swore sincerely.

_Jack_ almost snickered, but instead hopped into the walk-in closet where he changed into hip-hugging jeans and a floral t-shirt. When he walked out of the closet, Daniel had to hide an amused smile. It was so wrong to know that Jack had picked those clothes out himself.


	4. General Hammond's Retreat

_Jack_ and Daniel arrived at the base a few minutes later, walking swiftly through the base security checkpoints. Almost instantly, they were herded to the briefing room where Jack and Sam faced each other.

"What'd you do, Carter?" _Jack_ asked.

"What'd I do?" _Sam_ responded, hotly.

"That's 'what'd I do, Colonel?'"

"Oh, so rank goes with one's mind? Or body?" _Sam_ countered.

"Sir?" She asked, turning Jack's lean frame toward the general.

"Let's disregard ranks right now, Colonel."

_Sam_ turned a triumphant smile upon _Jack_. "Yes, sir."

"Oh, for cryin' out loud!"

"That's enough, Captain." Hammond shouted on impulse.

"Uh, General...I thought you said we were dispensing with ranks until this is resolved." Daniel said.

George Hammond had never been this confused before. "Oh, what the hell! Call them whatever you like- just leave me out of it." Then, he did what he had never done before- he retreated.

"Great. Now what?" Sam asked. "I have a briefing with SG-7 about the singularity on Hanka at 1430 hours. Can't do it like this! They'd disregard everything I'm saying- thinking it's some kind of prank."

"I can handle it, Carter. Don't freak."

"You- handle a breifing about a black hole singularity." _Sam_ said, disbelieving. "I'll believe that when I see it."

"Hey, Carter! I'm a closet astronomer. Black holds through a telescope are right up my alley."

He received blank looks from Daniel and Sam. Teal'c stood, stoically watching the proceedings while one eyebrow was raised in skepticism.

"What?"

"I do not believe that you possess all of the knowledge that you will require, O'Neill."

"So? I'll just read Carter's report. Don't worry, I'll be fine."

"Sorry, sir, but you'll forgive me if I'm not quite as confident as you are."

Just then, Dr. Janet Fraiser walked into the briefing room. "General Hammond said there was an emergency."

She watched in fascination as Sam's body made motions that didn't suit her personality at all- at least not her old personality. "I'll say! Carter doesn't think I can handle debriefing SG-7 about black holds or something about that..."

"Sir, with all due respect, maybe I should write out a script or something."

"Did I miss something?"

"This is your emergency, Doctor." Daniel said, raising his eyebrows and giving his trademark 'isn't this a fine mess' grin.

"Captain Carter and Colonel O'Neill have exchanged outer appearances, or so it would seem." Teal'c suppllied.

Janet raised her eyebrows. "Tell me this is a bad April Fool's prank." She said, rubbing her temples.

Daniel shook his head, his eyebrows still raised. "Oh no..."

"Well, let's get you two to the infirmary."

"Now, Doc. What's a needle in my butt gonna tell ya that you don't already know?" _Jack_ asked.

"I don't know, but I'd at least like to look at your EKGs and run a few other tests and scans. Maybe then, we'll be able to figure out what happened."

"Yeah right."

"That's enough, Colonel."

"See, at least she got it right!" _Jack_ muttered, passing _Sam_ as he followed the doctor.


	5. Switched for good!

They reached the infirmary where Janet ran a batter of tests. Finallly after poking them with needles (blood tests, she called them) and testing their clausterphobia (or so-called MRIs), she hooked them both to EKG machines.

"Janet," _Sam_ began. "How's Andrea? She called me the other night and said that Jose had broken up with her."

"She's doing as well as can be expected."

"In other words, she's having a pity party tonight with a group of her best girlfriends and there will be much male-bashing."

"Pretty much."

"Like the genie who offered to give a man a wish and he asked to become a million times smarter than any other man. And the genie turned him into a woman."

"That's one of Andrea's favorites, too." Janet said, chuckling.

"Doc, can we get this show on the road? I'm sure you ladies can male-bash some other time."

Janet turned and glared at _Jack_ while the rest of the infirmary discarded their tastks to stare at the three. Cognizant of the audience they now had, Dr. Fraiser turned her attention to the EKG machines. SHe turned both on and watched the monitors. After a few moments, she grabbed her patients' files and began flipping through them. She stared at them with a horrified look on her face. "Lt. Kitchen, get General Hammond!" She ordered, urgently.

"What is it, Doctor?" The General asked, upon his arrival, unhappy about having about having been summoned to the sources of his confusion.

"Sir, here are printouts of both Captain Carter's and Colonel O'Neill's EKGs." She said, handing him the files.

"And?"

She walked over to the machines. "This is a representation of their current brain activity. Look familiar?"

"Why?"

"Because their readouts have completely switched- not even the slightest margin of error."

"So?" That just confirms that their consciences have been switched."

"With all due respect, sir, these readings do more than that. They also confirm that there is nothing we can do to reverse the change."

Sam and Jack looked at Janet, stunned looks on their faces.

General Hammond could feel a headache coming on. This was too much excitement to deal with on a Monday morning. "Captain Carter, Colonel O'Neill, try to act like each other until I figure out how the hell I'm gonna explain this to the President."

Sam and Jack then turned to look at each other, the stunned looks turning into an opportunity to size one another up.

"No problem, sir." _Jack_ said, hopping off the bed.

"Yeah sure, ya betcha!" _Sam_ responded, following her body out the door.

"Why do I get the feeling that we're in way over our heads?" Janet asked, watching them.

"Because that was too easy..." General Hammond confessed.

* * *

_Andrea is a fictional mutual friend of Sam and Janet's! Sorry, I forgot that this story takes place right before "Singularity."_


	6. Adjusting

_Jack_ poured over the notes on Sam's laptop. "Even General Hammond has more faith in me than you do!"

"I'm sorry...Carter. You've just never had to handle this kind of briefing before."

"That may be true...sir, but that doesn't mean I'm not qualified."

_Sam_ reached for the gameboy on the lab table, sat in a chair by the desk and put Jack's long legs on the top of a stack of books that sat on the desk.

"Ca- sir!" _Jack_ protested, walking over and pulling the stack of books out from under the heavy leg.

"AGH! Carter!" _Sam_ yelled, clutching Jack's knee. "My bad knee!"

"Oh, cry me a river!" There was a pause as _Sam_ glared at _Jack_. "Sir."

"Come on, sir! It's not like this isn't hard enough for me!" _Sam_ said, pulling her legs off of the desk.

"I know, Carter! I mean, you're brilliant, but your notes are putting me to sleep." _Jack_ replied.

Five minutes later, two airmen passed Sam's lab and were shocked to see Jack sitting and typinsg something on a computer while Sam sat, her legs perched on the desk, playing with Jack's gameboy, And both looked perfectly comfortable.


	7. Or not

"Sir?" _Sam_ asked, walking into General Hammond's office.

"Come in, Colonel."

"It's Captain Carter, sir."

"What were my orders again?"

"With all due respect, sir, I don't think this is going to work. I can't stay away from my laptop long enough to play any games on the Colonel's gameboy."

The General chuckled. "Okay. What do you suggest?"

"I'd like to continue my duties despite my...altered appearance."

"I'm not sure that any of the members of SG-7 will be able to take you seriously for the briefing that's scheduled to start in fifteen minutes, Captain."

"Sir, again- with all due respect, they're going to have to get used to strange things happening around here. After all, we've had things much stranger than this happen in the short eight months that the project has been operational."

"Name one."

"Well...there was the time that we all became cavemen. And the time that Hathor was able to..."

"I get your point, Captain. All right. You have my permission to handle SG-7's briefing."

"Thank you, sir."

SG-7 stared at _Sam_ for a good while. "Colonel O'Neill? Isn't Captain Carter supposed to be running this briefing?"

"I am Captain Carter. There was a bit of an...incident."

"What kind of an incident?" The commanding officer asked.

She straightened. "Colonel O'Neill and I have switched bodies. Unfortunately, the change may be permanent."

The four men just stared at her again. "Permanent?"

"Major, can we continue with the briefing? There are some things that are imperative for you to remember when you go to Hanka."

Just then, _Jack_ walked in. "You heard her! Pay attention and don't make me get medieval on your hiney!"

Again, SG-7 just stared at the door. This was getting too weird. Even for the SGC.

"Colonel, I think I can handle it." _Sam_ said, smiling as she dimmed the lights and pulled down the projector. "Now, as you can see this is the simulation of the singularity that you are being asked to study..."


	8. It's All Just a What?

After a long day of explaining the phenomena to the base, SG-1 readjourned to the Briefing Room. "So, what now?" Daniel asked.

_Sam_ and _Jack_ looked at each other. "We were thinking of having a team night at my house." _Jack_ said. "You know, pizza, beer, movies..."

"Sounds good to me, sir."

Daniel had to admit that he was frightened by how easily he had come to accept the change. "Okay. So, we meet at Jack's house, with the big backyard, and get pizza and drinks. Sounds good to me too."

Janet walked in. "Hey! What's going on?" She asked, wearily. "I've been trying to look through your last physical reports, but I'm just not finding any clues as to what could have happened. I almost wish we had alien allies that could help us out."

"Unfortunately, we don't right now. That doesn't mean that we won't have any, but...it means Sam and Jack are kind of up a creek without a paddle." Daniel said, shrugging.

"Captain Carter and Colonel O'Neill are not up a creek, though they do not have an such paddling device." Teal'c observed.

"Teal'c, it's just an expression."

"I see, Daniel Jackson."

Just then, something occured to Daniel. "How are you guys remaining so calm. I mean, if I was stuck in Jack's body, I'd freak!"

Again, _Sam _and _Jack_ looked at one another. "Well, that's easy..."

"Easy?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah." _Jack_ said. "I'm not really Colonel O'Neill."

"Huh?"

_Sam_ chuckled. "Hold it, Danny boy, you might get confused. What Carter's trying to say is...April Fool's!"

Both Daniel and Janet dropped their jaws in surprise. "What?" Daniel managed.

"But the EKGs?" Janet exclaimed.

"While the Colonel was asking you about Andrea, I switched the machine wiring. His EKG showed up on my machine and vice-versa." Sam explained.

"You made it up!"

"Yep!" Jack said, proudly. "Had ya fooled, didn't we?"

"It was most impressive, O'Neill." Teal'c replied.

"How the hell did you pull of SG-7's briefing?" Daniel asked Jack.

"Oh...just read Carter's notes, like she said I would do." He replied, sweetly. "I'm not a complete idiot."

General Hammond walked in. "What's going on here? Doctor, did you cure them?"

Janet shook her head. "No, sir. I didn't. They seem to have been pulling an April Fool's Prank on us."

"You're kidding."

"No, sir. It was all just a joke." Jack said, smiling.

"We're sorry if we really affected normal base operations, sir. But...we just thought that it would be worth it to see the look on Daniel's face. We weren't exactly counting on the looks on everybody else's faces."

"You were very convincing, Colonel."

"Thank you." Jack replied, with a puzzled smile.

"No, I was talking to..."

"Me, sir?" Sam asked.

There was a disturbed pause as General Hammond thought about it. "Yes."

"It's all right, sir. I'm sure we really confused you. I'm sorry."

"I have one request before I dismiss you."

"Yes, sir?" Sam and Jack asked in unison.

"Warn me next time you want to pull the wool over my eyes. My brain can't handle the complex web of deceit!"

Then, as SG-1 headed toward the surface, General Hammond could hear Teal'c asking. "O'Neill. What is April Fool's?"

* * *

_Ah, the satisfaction of a successful April Fool's! Enjoy! With much love from your favorite prank-pulling author on ff net!_


End file.
